The X-Men, with a twist
by zfabid
Summary: A powerfull, tallented young lad discovers the X-Men, with a twist.
1. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: Most Characters made up, X-Men are a production of Marvel, I did not write the story, my step father's roommate's fiancee did. Sue her.  
  
Little Johnny was walking in the park. His mom was feeding the tigers, and his sister was buying the movie ticket for her date tonight. She was going out with Bobby, and the movie to be watched was a documentary named "Calcium and The Bone." It was a perfect sunny day until the doctor told little Johnny he had Cancer and Osteoporosis. The family panicked, but since he was young it would not be such a great loss. The mom could surely have another child. Mom Joanna just left little Johnny in the park, telling him to play with the tigers, giving him the impression that she would come back. Little Johnny believed his drug-dealing mom, and ate peanut butter while waiting for his her..  
Only after eighteen years he would realize that she would never come back. He left the tigers and went on with his life. He no longer had a shelter, since the tigers kicked him out. It was only him and his protection blanket, Gorky. He needed a job, so he lied about his experience and went on to the highly paid profession as an elementary school teacher. As the profession became boring he became the apprentice of a milk-man.  
Joe Barker was the senior milk-man, who took his job serious. He saw something in the young lad that no one had before. Johnny was all grown up now. He had unmatched wit, Bill Clinton's charm and charisma, but could still keep a straight face. He had learned all the facts about milk, he drank milk, he bought milk, he inhaled milk, he injected milk, and he even drank milk.  
Five years after Joe Barker died, John Lactose became the senior milk-man. He was still emotionally torn because his mother left him. He was still a very sick man, emotionally, mentally, and physically. He even changed his name to Seymour Butts. But, none of the tragedies had stopped him from doing his job, and being the best darn milk-man he could be. He was such a good milk-man that Mr. Roberts, who took Seimour's milk, left him a twenty-five cent tip every week. May we all just say again for simplicity sake that he was the best darn milk-man ever to walk Moab, Utah.  
Ever since he took the job the noticed that his osteoporosis was getting weaker. He came to the conclusion that by handling, sniffing, injecting, and drinking milk, his health had gone up. He felt better than ever before.  
His motto became,  
  
"No milk, no moustache."  
  
While peacefully ridding his bike in Main Street, Gordo the bully asked him for a free glass of milk. Seymour said,  
  
"No milk, no moustache."  
  
Gordo then asked,  
  
"What the hell does that mean?"  
  
Seymour told him,  
  
"Get away from my milk."  
  
People began to stare, the old people in the street had now vanished. It was obvious that a duel would not take place. They chose their weapons. Seymour with a flame-thrower, Gordo with a whip. Then, the earth began to shake, the milk became whiter, the sun became sunnier, people's faces became; well, you got the point. The whole thing got cheesier. Then Professor X came out of the ground with a nut-cracker and yelled,  
  
"Jean, you did nothing in the movie, what makes you think you will really do anything now."  
  
Jean was nowhere in sight, and soon the public realized that Xavior was just another senile old man. Then, as usual, Wolverine came and kicked the crap out of everybody.  
  
The End.  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Disclaimer: Most Characters made up, X-Men are a production of Marvel, I did not write the story, my step father's roommate's fiancee did. Sue her.  
  
Author's note: I left chapter 1 in so if you can sorta understand what's up.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Little Johnny was walking in the park. His mom was feeding the tigers, and his sister was buying the movie ticket for her date tonight. She was going out with Bobby, and the movie to be watched was a documentary named "Calcium and The Bone." It was a perfect sunny day until the doctor told little Johnny he had Cancer and Osteoporosis. The family panicked, but since he was young it would not be such a great loss. The mom could surely have another child. Mom Joanna just left little Johnny in the park, telling him to play with the tigers, giving him the impression that she would come back. Little Johnny believed his drug-dealing mom, and ate peanut butter while waiting for his her..  
Only after eighteen years he would realize that she would never come back. He left the tigers and went on with his life. He no longer had a shelter, since the tigers kicked him out. It was only him and his protection blanket, Gorky. He needed a job, so he lied about his experience and went on to the highly paid profession as an elementary school teacher. As the profession became boring he became the apprentice of a milk-man.  
Joe Barker was the senior milk-man, who took his job serious. He saw something in the young lad that no one had before. Johnny was all grown up now. He had unmatched wit, Bill Clinton's charm and charisma, but could still keep a straight face. He had learned all the facts about milk, he drank milk, he bought milk, he inhaled milk, he injected milk, and he even drank milk.  
Five years after Joe Barker died, John Lactose became the senior milk-man. He was still emotionally torn because his mother left him. He was still a very sick man, emotionally, mentally, and physically. He even changed his name to Seymour Butts. But, none of the tragedies had stopped him from doing his job, and being the best darn milk-man he could be. He was such a good milk-man that Mr. Roberts, who took Seimour's milk, left him a twenty-five cent tip every week. May we all just say again for simplicity sake that he was the best darn milk-man ever to walk Moab, Utah.  
Ever since he took the job the noticed that his osteoporosis was getting weaker. He came to the conclusion that by handling, sniffing, injecting, and drinking milk, his health had gone up. He felt better than ever before.  
His motto became,  
  
"No milk, no moustache."  
  
While peacefully ridding his bike in Main Street, Gordo the bully asked him for a free glass of milk. Seymour said,  
  
"No milk, no moustache."  
  
Gordo then asked,  
  
"What the hell does that mean?"  
  
Seymour told him,  
  
"Get away from my milk."  
  
People began to stare, the old people in the street had now vanished. It was obvious that a duel would take place. They chose their weapons. Seymour with a flame-thrower, Gordo with a whip. Then, the earth began to shake, the milk became whiter, the sun became sunnier, people's faces became; well, you got the point. The whole thing got cheesier. Then Professor X came out of the ground with a nut-cracker and yelled,  
  
"Jean, you did nothing in the movie, what makes you think you will really do anything now."  
  
Jean was nowhere in sight, and soon the public realized that Xavior was just another senile old man. Then, as usual, Wolverine came and kicked the crap out of everybody.  
  
The End of Chapter 1.  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
But Wolverine as usual, never killed anyone. He just scratched and scratched and scratched away. Gordo and Seymour were hurting from the cat scratches from Wolverine, but were still able to battle. Gordo ran towards the milkman with the whip but the milkman turned his flame-thrower on and fried the poor sucker.  
Professor-X watched in awe. How could someone with a flame-thrower be so powerful? He took Seymour the milkman aside and asked him if he wanted to try out for the position of X-men. They had a position left because they fired Jubilee since she sucked and couldn't hurt a fly with her firework power that couldn't even defrost a hamburger. They agreed on the place and time. Doffy Donuts at noon, February 30.  
Time passed and Seymour realized that no such day existed. He rushed to the mansion and told Storm he had to talk to Xavier. Stupid as Storm is she said O.K. Seymour was mad and as soon as he saw The Professor he said,  
  
"No milk, no moustache."  
  
Professor-X who didn't know what in the world was going on anywhere said,  
  
"Where is the nice nurse that takes care of me? I want her now! I am sick of being an old man without a purpose. Get the monkeys on the line. I need them now! My Prozac! I am going crazy! Tell the voices to stop talking to me! Tell them to come talk at night! It's time for my nap now Steve, I'll talk to you later!"  
  
Seymour was just as confused as you and me, so he stopped talking to the crazy senile idiot and looked for Scott. For you not literate in the X-men, Scott is Cyclops.  
Scott said,  
  
"Hey Seymour! Wanna join the Z-men?"  
  
"Who are the Z-men?" said Seymour.  
  
"Oh, that is just a typo by the author. I meant the X-men. If you want to join you have to beat Jean. Also you have to pass an interview conducted by me. Then you have to pass a drug test, and walk in a straight line. Then you must burp the alphabet; backwards. Only then you may join the X-men."  
  
Seymour looked for Jean and said,  
  
"I must battle you now."  
  
"Bring it on fool." Said Jean.  
  
The Jean started to used her power as in the X-men movie. She was good. She attacked first by lifting a shoe and dropping it in Seymour's head. No strategy in the move, it's just that she couldn't hold it much longer. Seymour punched her in the face. Jean attempted to read Seymour's mind. She saw a bunch of tigers, Magic School Bus, and milk. Jean was running out of strength. The whole using power thing was just too hard for her. She was used to closing doors and lifting medical equipment, nothing like shoe and massive mind reading. Seymour went for his final attack. Something so vicious that only a mutated milkman would try. He hit Jean in the head with a milk bottle. Jean passed out and started bleeding severely. Wolverine saw the tragic scene and got mad. So he did what he always does when he gets mad. He cursed like a mad sailor, rode his Jeep and tried to fight Scott, who was hiding in the closet. Scott was so afraid of Wolverine that he had soiled himself.  
After Seymour had defeated the powerful Jean Gray, he went for an interview with Scott.  
  
What happened during the interview? Tune in at the same X time, the same X channel, the same Z place. And remember,  
  
"No milk, no moustache!"  
  
End of Chapter 2.  



End file.
